I'm looking forward to "Iron Man 2," primarily because of the great memories surrounding my viewing of the first "Iron Man." We went to see it as a Movie in the Park (another great Chicago summer staple that was a victim of the recession this year) last summer. We were in Rogers Park, and having walked along Sheridan to Starbucks, we then proceeded along the beach, finally settling in front of a large screen in the park as the darkness progressed.
It was an unexpectedly good movie, and a cool experience to watch it collectively with the diverse inhabitants of Rogers Park. Apparently, I was so engrossed in the film that I missed the homeless dude getting arrested by officers on bikes a couple feet away. My friends beheld the spectacle and were thoroughly amused :D
Walking home, we were accosted by a dude on a dark sidewalk looking for "models." The first words from his mouth "Hey Gorgeouses." We still laugh about that.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Why I Love Russian Literature
I've just picked up Turgenev's Fathers and Sons, having owned it for years and never read it. I particularly enjoyed this description and the truth contained therein:
"Pavel, on the other hand, a lonely bachelor, was entering into that troubled, twilight phase of life when regrets resemble hopes, and hopes, regrets, when youth has passed, but old age has not yet set in."
I'm really liking this novel.
"Pavel, on the other hand, a lonely bachelor, was entering into that troubled, twilight phase of life when regrets resemble hopes, and hopes, regrets, when youth has passed, but old age has not yet set in."
I'm really liking this novel.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
More Life Lessons Borne of Procrastination
I read this article on CNN.com, and was struck by the reality that you can have an extremely happy, satisfying courtship and marriage, without the guarantee your spouse will actually stick around when something absolutely tragic happens:
In a nutshell:
A happily married, healthy Abbie Dorn suffered severe brain damage while giving birth to triplets
Her husband divorced her a year later, and took custody of the children
He left Abbie in the care of her parents
Her ex-husband now will not allow her children to visit.
Her ex-husband is suing her estate for child support.
(CNN) -- Abbie Dorn always wanted children, and in June 2006 she got her wish -- triplets. But during a difficult birth she suffered severe brain damage that took away her chance to raise them.
Now, her parents and former husband are locked in a legal battle over whether Dorn is capable of interacting with her children, and whether they should visit her.
On Tuesday, a judge in Los Angeles County Superior Court ruled that Abbie Dorn's parents have the right to fight for visitation rights on her behalf.
The ruling clears the way for a trial, scheduled for May 13. No matter who prevails, the case is likely to lead to years of appeals that could result in a legal landmark affecting the rights of mentally incapacitated parents.
Dorn, 34, last had contact with triplets Esti, Reuvi and Yossi in October 2007, when they were toddlers. They will turn 4 on June 20.
Paul and Susan Cohen, a physician and former nurse, are conservators of Abbie Dorn's estate and care for their daughter full-time at their home in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. A $7.8 million medical malpractice settlement funds her treatment.
Her former husband, Daniel Dorn, is raising the triplets in Los Angeles, California.
Susan Cohen says her daughter has made considerable progress after intensive rehabilitation and now communicates by blinking her eyes.
"One slow blink means 'yes.' No response means 'no,'" said Cohen.
Abbie Dorn was athletic, happily married and full of life before her brain injury, her parents say. Abbie Dorn was athletic, happily married and full of life before her brain injury, her parents say.
Daniel Dorn maintains that his former wife remains in a vegetative state. She is more than physically disabled, he contends in court papers, she is "neurologically incapacitated" and legally incompetent to make decisions involving her children.
Abbie and Dan Dorn, both devout Orthodox Jews, were in their early 20s when they met in Atlanta, Georgia, and embarked on a whirlwind romance. They married in August 2002 after dating for six months. Dan Dorn took a job with his father in Los Angeles, and his wife moved to Southern California with him.
Three years later, in the fall of 2005, Abbie became pregnant.
"They were very much in love," recalled her mother. But what happened to Abbie when her triplets were born would tear the young family apart.
According to her parents and their lawyers, during the delivery Abbie began bleeding severely and went into cardiac arrest, which deprived her brain of oxygen. Medical personnel were not able to resuscitate her for nearly 20 minutes, according to the Cohens and their lawyers.
After Abbie Dorn was revived, her condition initially seemed to improve. Her organs were functioning. Her blood was clotting. But over the next three days, she took a turn for the worse
With his wife's parents overseeing her medical care, Dan Dorn found himself a young father raising triplets. He believed Abbie's prospects of recovery were faint. One year to the day after the triplets were born, Dan notified the Cohens that he was ready to move on.
"I still love Abbie very much, but I am trying to move on and have been and will continue to parent our children, who are happy and are thriving," Dan Dorn told CNN in an e-mail.
At Dan's request, the Cohens initiated divorce proceedings on Abbie's behalf. The divorce was finalized in the fall of 2008.
Dorn and the Cohens continue to disagree over whether or not Abbie is making progress in her treatment. They also cannot agree on whether she has the ability to interact with her children.
Dan Dorn maintains in his legal papers that it is not in his children's best interest to see their mother now.
"The neurosurgeons told me in 2007 that she would not recover. I have asked for an updated neurological report," he told CNN by e-mail.
The judge granted that request at Tuesday's hearing.
CNN has obtained the 2007 medical report in which neurologist Richard Helvie described Abbie Dorn's condition as "permanent." Observing a list of mental functions, Helvie noted that she was "so impaired as to be incapable of being assessed" for most of the evaluation.
Abbie Dorn's parents and therapists tell a different story about her recovery.
"Abbie has made dramatic progress since 2008," said her mental health counselor, Dr. Robert McCarthy.
McCarthy is part of a $33,000-a-month rehabilitation program designed by Susan Cohen. He is treating Abbie using a method called neurofeedback, which trains the brain to function more efficiently.
"With the introduction of neurofeedback, she has become increasingly alert, can voluntarily bounce her legs up and down, has regained movement in her arms, and can even verbally respond 'yes' or 'no,'" McCarthy said.
Court battles like the one between Dorn and the Cohens are rare but not without precedent.
In 1979, the California Supreme Court ruled in favor of a quadriplegic father, William T. Carney, stating that physically disabled parents cannot be deprived of their children because of their disability.
But there are key differences between these cases: Carney's case dealt with custody of a physically disabled parent, while the Dorns' involves visitation by a mentally incapacitated parent.
Dan Dorn contends in court documents that the legal drama is more about what the Cohens want rather than what Abbie might have wanted for her children.
"Abbie and I were happily married and very much in love. She would want the best for me and our children," he told CNN in an e-mail.
Paul Cohen visits the triplets every three months. The Cohens have asked Dorn to send videos of the children and allow the family to see each other via webcam but so far, they say, that hasn't happened.
"There's no reason for the triplets not to have a relationship with their mother, whatever that relationship may be," said Lisa Helfend Meyer, the Cohens' attorney.
Dorn's attorney, Vicki J. Greene, responded that he "wants to be the one to parent the children and tell them at an appropriate age the proper details of their life. From our perspective, he gets to make the decisions. He's the father."
Dorn, who is seeking child support from Abbie's estate, stated in court documents that he has not told the children what happened to their mother because they are too young to understand. He says he will consider taking the children to see Abbie when they are older -- if he receives medical evidence that she will be able to communicate with them.
The Cohens argue that if the children are properly prepared for the situation, the experience will not be detrimental. They have requested that the children see a psychologist to help prepare them.
For now, the Cohens will continue to hold on to hope for their daughter.
"I can't let her lose her children," Susan Cohen said.
What's the application for my own life?
I lifted up a prayer to God that if I do marry, my husband will have the integrity to care for me if something terrible like this ever happens. And that I would have the integrity to care for him, too. I was reminded of a distant episode of Oprah where a young woman was struck with breast cancer, and balding and weak from chemo, her then-fiance gave her shots, held her, and cared for her at her lowest point. And he would still tell her she was beautiful. I want a man like that.
In a nutshell:
A happily married, healthy Abbie Dorn suffered severe brain damage while giving birth to triplets
Her husband divorced her a year later, and took custody of the children
He left Abbie in the care of her parents
Her ex-husband now will not allow her children to visit.
Her ex-husband is suing her estate for child support.
(CNN) -- Abbie Dorn always wanted children, and in June 2006 she got her wish -- triplets. But during a difficult birth she suffered severe brain damage that took away her chance to raise them.
Now, her parents and former husband are locked in a legal battle over whether Dorn is capable of interacting with her children, and whether they should visit her.
On Tuesday, a judge in Los Angeles County Superior Court ruled that Abbie Dorn's parents have the right to fight for visitation rights on her behalf.
The ruling clears the way for a trial, scheduled for May 13. No matter who prevails, the case is likely to lead to years of appeals that could result in a legal landmark affecting the rights of mentally incapacitated parents.
Dorn, 34, last had contact with triplets Esti, Reuvi and Yossi in October 2007, when they were toddlers. They will turn 4 on June 20.
Paul and Susan Cohen, a physician and former nurse, are conservators of Abbie Dorn's estate and care for their daughter full-time at their home in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. A $7.8 million medical malpractice settlement funds her treatment.
Her former husband, Daniel Dorn, is raising the triplets in Los Angeles, California.
Susan Cohen says her daughter has made considerable progress after intensive rehabilitation and now communicates by blinking her eyes.
"One slow blink means 'yes.' No response means 'no,'" said Cohen.
Abbie Dorn was athletic, happily married and full of life before her brain injury, her parents say. Abbie Dorn was athletic, happily married and full of life before her brain injury, her parents say.
Daniel Dorn maintains that his former wife remains in a vegetative state. She is more than physically disabled, he contends in court papers, she is "neurologically incapacitated" and legally incompetent to make decisions involving her children.
Abbie and Dan Dorn, both devout Orthodox Jews, were in their early 20s when they met in Atlanta, Georgia, and embarked on a whirlwind romance. They married in August 2002 after dating for six months. Dan Dorn took a job with his father in Los Angeles, and his wife moved to Southern California with him.
Three years later, in the fall of 2005, Abbie became pregnant.
"They were very much in love," recalled her mother. But what happened to Abbie when her triplets were born would tear the young family apart.
According to her parents and their lawyers, during the delivery Abbie began bleeding severely and went into cardiac arrest, which deprived her brain of oxygen. Medical personnel were not able to resuscitate her for nearly 20 minutes, according to the Cohens and their lawyers.
After Abbie Dorn was revived, her condition initially seemed to improve. Her organs were functioning. Her blood was clotting. But over the next three days, she took a turn for the worse
With his wife's parents overseeing her medical care, Dan Dorn found himself a young father raising triplets. He believed Abbie's prospects of recovery were faint. One year to the day after the triplets were born, Dan notified the Cohens that he was ready to move on.
"I still love Abbie very much, but I am trying to move on and have been and will continue to parent our children, who are happy and are thriving," Dan Dorn told CNN in an e-mail.
At Dan's request, the Cohens initiated divorce proceedings on Abbie's behalf. The divorce was finalized in the fall of 2008.
Dorn and the Cohens continue to disagree over whether or not Abbie is making progress in her treatment. They also cannot agree on whether she has the ability to interact with her children.
Dan Dorn maintains in his legal papers that it is not in his children's best interest to see their mother now.
"The neurosurgeons told me in 2007 that she would not recover. I have asked for an updated neurological report," he told CNN by e-mail.
The judge granted that request at Tuesday's hearing.
CNN has obtained the 2007 medical report in which neurologist Richard Helvie described Abbie Dorn's condition as "permanent." Observing a list of mental functions, Helvie noted that she was "so impaired as to be incapable of being assessed" for most of the evaluation.
Abbie Dorn's parents and therapists tell a different story about her recovery.
"Abbie has made dramatic progress since 2008," said her mental health counselor, Dr. Robert McCarthy.
McCarthy is part of a $33,000-a-month rehabilitation program designed by Susan Cohen. He is treating Abbie using a method called neurofeedback, which trains the brain to function more efficiently.
"With the introduction of neurofeedback, she has become increasingly alert, can voluntarily bounce her legs up and down, has regained movement in her arms, and can even verbally respond 'yes' or 'no,'" McCarthy said.
Court battles like the one between Dorn and the Cohens are rare but not without precedent.
In 1979, the California Supreme Court ruled in favor of a quadriplegic father, William T. Carney, stating that physically disabled parents cannot be deprived of their children because of their disability.
But there are key differences between these cases: Carney's case dealt with custody of a physically disabled parent, while the Dorns' involves visitation by a mentally incapacitated parent.
Dan Dorn contends in court documents that the legal drama is more about what the Cohens want rather than what Abbie might have wanted for her children.
"Abbie and I were happily married and very much in love. She would want the best for me and our children," he told CNN in an e-mail.
Paul Cohen visits the triplets every three months. The Cohens have asked Dorn to send videos of the children and allow the family to see each other via webcam but so far, they say, that hasn't happened.
"There's no reason for the triplets not to have a relationship with their mother, whatever that relationship may be," said Lisa Helfend Meyer, the Cohens' attorney.
Dorn's attorney, Vicki J. Greene, responded that he "wants to be the one to parent the children and tell them at an appropriate age the proper details of their life. From our perspective, he gets to make the decisions. He's the father."
Dorn, who is seeking child support from Abbie's estate, stated in court documents that he has not told the children what happened to their mother because they are too young to understand. He says he will consider taking the children to see Abbie when they are older -- if he receives medical evidence that she will be able to communicate with them.
The Cohens argue that if the children are properly prepared for the situation, the experience will not be detrimental. They have requested that the children see a psychologist to help prepare them.
For now, the Cohens will continue to hold on to hope for their daughter.
"I can't let her lose her children," Susan Cohen said.
What's the application for my own life?
I lifted up a prayer to God that if I do marry, my husband will have the integrity to care for me if something terrible like this ever happens. And that I would have the integrity to care for him, too. I was reminded of a distant episode of Oprah where a young woman was struck with breast cancer, and balding and weak from chemo, her then-fiance gave her shots, held her, and cared for her at her lowest point. And he would still tell her she was beautiful. I want a man like that.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
What He Must Be
As is frequent, I was procrastinating at home between classes, watching television. I happened upon "Cheaters," an extremely low-budget, emotionally charged reality show that follows spouses suspected of infidelity and films the inevitable confrontation between the cheating spouse, his or her new love interest, and the spurned lover. It's sort of what "Jerry Springer" used to be back in the day, before the made up story lines, as fighting usually results.
On today's episode, a husband discovered that his wife was cheating with a co-worker. She was only 22, he may have been a bit older, and they had an infant daughter. What surprised me during the confrontation was that he obviously took his vows seriously, he had a pretty mature view of marriage and a high view of family. After the confrontation, he called his father-in-law, had a mature man-to-man conversation with him about finding out his wife cheated, and then he remarked that he wanted to shield his daughter from the effects of his wife's infidelity and poor lifestyle. I wouldn't expect that kind of maturity from someone who would hire "Cheaters" private investigators. I felt sorry for him that he ended up with such a trifling wife, since there are many women with integrity that would have been happy with a committed husband and a child, and wouldn't mess up the way his wife did.
At the end of the episode, his wife gave a statement to "Cheaters" saying that she wanted a husband that would show her affection and communicate to her that he cares. Basically, she wanted someone that would "be there for her." At that point, I realized how wrong I was in passing judgment. Basically, I was impressed that her husband said everything "right." As in, his beliefs about marriage and family were consistent with everything I've been taught and what I believe. But, thinking rightly about marriage isn't enough to sustain a healthy one. What his wife did was wrong, but when a person doesn't feel loved, they tend to do very stupid things. Not cheating on someone and paying the mortgage isn't sufficient to convey "I love you." Although, being a provider can be a means of showing your wife you love her, it's imperative to learn how to communicate your love to your mate in a way they understand. *Cue Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages*
What application does a bootleg Cheaters episode have in my own life?
One important characteristic in the man that I marry has to be relational maturity. Perhaps there's a better term for it, but I need someone who can see beyond his own preconceptions and really tries to understand other people, their needs, and where they're coming from, myself included (and seeks to meet those needs). I think relationally mature people refrain from making definitive pronouncements about others that include terms like always and never ("you'll always be like x," "you'll never do y"), and they also refrain from assuming they know everything about a person, no matter how long they've been together.
I guess the starting point of all of this is an attitude of humility. Having been inundated with Christian teaching about marriage and relationships, it's easy for me to think that relationships are successful based on following a set of principles. The reality is, you can do everything right, and still end up with a terribly unhappy spouse. Rules and principles are black and white, but people are complicated. The complexity of human beings lends relationships their beauty and mystery, along with all the drama that frequently plays out when two sinful people commit to one another.
I'm sure what I've written gets a big "DUH" from the zero people in the peanut gallery actually reading this blog post, but given my extremely limited relationship experience, it was a revelation for me.
I'm going to focus on trying to learn others rather than painting them with broad strokes based on my faulty preconceptions.
Time for work!
On today's episode, a husband discovered that his wife was cheating with a co-worker. She was only 22, he may have been a bit older, and they had an infant daughter. What surprised me during the confrontation was that he obviously took his vows seriously, he had a pretty mature view of marriage and a high view of family. After the confrontation, he called his father-in-law, had a mature man-to-man conversation with him about finding out his wife cheated, and then he remarked that he wanted to shield his daughter from the effects of his wife's infidelity and poor lifestyle. I wouldn't expect that kind of maturity from someone who would hire "Cheaters" private investigators. I felt sorry for him that he ended up with such a trifling wife, since there are many women with integrity that would have been happy with a committed husband and a child, and wouldn't mess up the way his wife did.
At the end of the episode, his wife gave a statement to "Cheaters" saying that she wanted a husband that would show her affection and communicate to her that he cares. Basically, she wanted someone that would "be there for her." At that point, I realized how wrong I was in passing judgment. Basically, I was impressed that her husband said everything "right." As in, his beliefs about marriage and family were consistent with everything I've been taught and what I believe. But, thinking rightly about marriage isn't enough to sustain a healthy one. What his wife did was wrong, but when a person doesn't feel loved, they tend to do very stupid things. Not cheating on someone and paying the mortgage isn't sufficient to convey "I love you." Although, being a provider can be a means of showing your wife you love her, it's imperative to learn how to communicate your love to your mate in a way they understand. *Cue Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages*
What application does a bootleg Cheaters episode have in my own life?
One important characteristic in the man that I marry has to be relational maturity. Perhaps there's a better term for it, but I need someone who can see beyond his own preconceptions and really tries to understand other people, their needs, and where they're coming from, myself included (and seeks to meet those needs). I think relationally mature people refrain from making definitive pronouncements about others that include terms like always and never ("you'll always be like x," "you'll never do y"), and they also refrain from assuming they know everything about a person, no matter how long they've been together.
I guess the starting point of all of this is an attitude of humility. Having been inundated with Christian teaching about marriage and relationships, it's easy for me to think that relationships are successful based on following a set of principles. The reality is, you can do everything right, and still end up with a terribly unhappy spouse. Rules and principles are black and white, but people are complicated. The complexity of human beings lends relationships their beauty and mystery, along with all the drama that frequently plays out when two sinful people commit to one another.
I'm sure what I've written gets a big "DUH" from the zero people in the peanut gallery actually reading this blog post, but given my extremely limited relationship experience, it was a revelation for me.
I'm going to focus on trying to learn others rather than painting them with broad strokes based on my faulty preconceptions.
Time for work!
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